Last night was a bit rough at my house. We are in the middle of potty training my son. He's started to become more independent with taking off his pants and putting them back on, so we've been allowing him to experiment and own his learning. He does a lot of pants off, pants on, pants off, pants on. Tonight, we weren't watching closely enough and he put his shorts back on, but not a pull-up.

A bit later, we looked around and his pants were wet, as were the floors throughout the living room and hall. Oops!

I threw him in the tub while my husband cleaned, and it was time for bedtime. In retrospect, my husband and I needed to be more calm as we handled the mess. We didn't scold him or express disapproval towards him, but we were flustered.

We didn't regulate our own emotions well, and that didn't allow our son to co-regulate in a healthy manner.

Co-regulation occurs when parents provide warm interactions in combination with modeling and coaching that help toddlers “understand,...

He's recently started internalizing some of the messages....
and here's how I learned that:

Have you ever shown up to a party or wedding and felt under or over dressed? Have you turned up at a friend's house for game night and realized your partner forgot to tell you it was potluck and you're empty-handed? What about when you've gone to a restaurant and realized after arriving that there's a dress code or that you need to tip and you didn't bring cash? Think about a time where you've been embarrassed or frustrated because you didn't meet an expectation you didn't know about beforehand?  

What happened?

How did it feel?

What would you have preferred happened?

All of these experiences of discomfort could have been avoided if you had known the expectations in advance, right?

Setting expectations is an integral part of helping children meet expectations and manage their feelings.

This year families will be experiencing holidays in different ways due to the pandemic. Many families will not be seeing grandparents or extended family due to the risk of exposure to...

When I was a kid I remember looking forward to elections. I loved seeing the signs outside and the watching the debates. And my favorite thing was that I got to vote at school. I vividly remember voting during the 1996 Clinton-Dole election. We got to color our ballots and everything! Then there was a super secret voting booth (probably a refrigerator box) where we cast our ballots. 

That's what I remember about elections growing up. 

Wow how things have changed...

You can't remove children from a world with troubling issues, but you CAN cultivate a sense of safety and security.

Young children should not bear the burden of worrying about how the results of the Presidential election threaten their safety and security. 

In a perfect world, children would not have access to information that makes them feel unsafe and insecure. They would be buffered and surrounded with fluffy clouds and rainbows. But we don't live in a perfect world....

If you talk to anyone that knows me on a personal level really well, they will tell you I am all. about. boundaries (insert that clapping emoji for emphasis).

I lived a good chunk of my life without boundaries and when I discovered the power boundaries had to help me shape interactions and develop relationships in the way I wanted, I dove in head first. 

In case you haven't had the same experience with boundaries that I have, let's talk really quick about what they are and how they benefit us as individuals. 

Boundaries are limits on what we deem acceptable and welcomed in a variety of different areas of our lives. If you are unfamiliar with the concept of boundaries, a great place to start is a book called Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend. I highly recommend it for literally everyone. You can grab your copy here through my affiliate link (which supports the creation of content like this). 

In this post, I want to focus in on personal boundaries. Personal...